Zombie Symptoms

A precise timeline for the onset of infection is difficult due to the many variants within the human condition and environments, but as a rough guide:
Hour 1: Pain and discolouration (brown-purple) of the infected area. Immediate clotting of the wound.
Hour 5: Fever, chills, slight dementia, vomiting, acute joint pain.
Hour 8: Numbing of extremities and infected area, increase fever, increased dementia and loss of muscular coordination.
Hour 11: Paralysis in the lower body, overall numbness, slowed heart rate.
Hour 16: Coma.
Hour 20: Heart stoppage. Zero brain activity.
Hour 23: Reanimation.

Zombie Weather Patterns

Scientists in Utah have recently released a study regarding weather conditions during an outbreak.

The weather is reported to take on characteristics of pre-tornado weather. The sky is green, though not as vivid as that of pre-tornado weather. There is an odd calm to the wind. One unique, and controversial, characteristic released, is one that deals with a sense that you might not have considered when thinking of an outbreak. That sense is smell. After pouring over documented cases of outbreaks and interviewing survivors who were willing to participate in the study, scientists also believe that in addition to a greenish sky, oddly calm wind conditions, that there is also a unique smell associated with an outbreak. The smell has only been related to that of food burning in the kitchen.

“It is an odd comparision, we understand,” stated one of the scientists, “yet, after our interviews we found this to be consistent across the board of those who survived an outbreak. The smell can be compared to something burning on the stove. It is not said to be overpowering, but it is quite noticable.” When asked about the possible cause of the smell, the scientists would not speculate. They did however feel that it centered around the brain being reactivated and the body moving after being dead.

Sleeping with Zombies

Sleep. It might sound crazy, impossible even, bit it is essential if you’re going to make it through a full-blown zombie outbreak. Without rest your muscles deteriorate, senses dull and each passing hour reduces your ability to function fully.

Believing that you can load up on caffeine or energy drinks and power on through your journey to safety will only lead to diaster.

Travelling in small groups allows for more securing sleeping arrangements, with individuals staying on watch whilst everyone sleeps. Of course, even in the relative safety of having someone on guard will not make getting to sleep any easier.

No matter how difficult it may be to get to sleep, stay away from sleeping pills. If zombies attack during the night, your fellow survivors might not be able to fully wake you in time.

Does 'Acting Dead' Fool Zombies?

Would “acting dead” prove to be a useful survival tactic during an undead outbreak? There are certainly arguments for it, such as the fact that the average studies have shown how generally clumsy zombies actually are. Did the writers of Shaun of the Dead get it right? Is it possible to pretend to be dead in order to safely navigate a group of zombies? There are other factors at play which should be considered.

What Does History Say?
All outbreaks which have been officially documented generally log the same items about the ghoulish fiends. Most testify that they are uncoordinated and incapable of moving fast. In recent high profile Hollywood films such as Dawn of the Dead, zombies are depicted as being very fast and very capable of inflicting exact and precise damage. This my friends, is untrue. While they are capable of causing damage, they lack basic coordination and motor skills to allow for a fast pursuit.

So why not mimic the same motion and movement in order to blend in? For one, and perhaps the single most important reason, is that there are absolutely no documented cases of an outbreak survivor “acting dead” and making it through any amount of a zombie force. None. There is no need to take unwarranted risks during any outbreak of any level.

This is not to say that you would be able to escape a small, scattered group. As has proven in survivor statements, there are cases where people have safely navigated through a small collection of the undead and moved to a safer location. Of course this would be done not by acting dead but swiftly moving through the zombie field before they would have a chance to react to our presence. This tactic however is not recommended unless you are completely aware of the surroundings and your destination location.

What Does Science Say?
Scientists rarely go on record with regards to zombies. Those that do speak, do so off the record, but can provide valuable resources from their research.

Scientists state that all cases of the undead show that their basic motor skills are reduced to just that: very basic. Coordination, quick movement, and advanced skills are lost after death and not brought back in the undead state. While they have not had enough samples to test, scientists now believe that there is some sensory perception (not to be confused with ESP, mind you) that the undead possess which allows them to detect the living from the dead. They have crudely related this to a dog’s sense of smell. In essence, enough of the senses remain in the undead that allow them to detect the living and attack. This is also supported by documentation. There are no recorded cases of zombie-on-zombie attacks, which scientists feel supports their theory.

From what we know, it would appear that both history and science, based on information collected to date, would not support “acting dead” as a wise survival tactic.

Researching to Create Zombies!

News report of the day; as if the world isn’t messed up enough already, scientists at the University of Minnesota have devised a way to get dead hearts to beat again, thus opening the way to re-animate the dead.

Who knows how long it will take for this medical ‘breakthrough’ to get out off control and mutate into something we can’t control, if the following two statements don’t send chills down your spin, then you need to watch more zombie movies:

‘Four days later, the hearts started to contract.’

‘Eight days later, the hearts started to pump.’

Being a Zombie Sucks

The Top Ten reasons (in no particular order) why being a zombie would suck:

Dandruff shampoo doesn’t control your flaky scalp anymore.

Dogs run off with your fingers and toes and bury them.

You don’t have to worry about catching a cold, you have to worry about catching ants.

All bad smells get blamed on you.

Just because you’re undead doesn’t mean that it doesn’t hurt when kids throw lawn darts at you.

BRAINS never shows up on the Dollar Value Menu at McDonald’s.

Formaldehyde is expensive, but mouthwash doesn’t quite cut it anymore.

Mad Cow Disease: Fresh brains are harder to come by these days.

Friends only invite you over when they’re throwing a Halloween party.

Haiti is a fun place to visit, but you wouldn’t want to die there.