Zombie Symptoms

A precise timeline for the onset of infection is difficult due to the many variants within the human condition and environments, but as a rough guide:
Hour 1: Pain and discolouration (brown-purple) of the infected area. Immediate clotting of the wound.
Hour 5: Fever, chills, slight dementia, vomiting, acute joint pain.
Hour 8: Numbing of extremities and infected area, increase fever, increased dementia and loss of muscular coordination.
Hour 11: Paralysis in the lower body, overall numbness, slowed heart rate.
Hour 16: Coma.
Hour 20: Heart stoppage. Zero brain activity.
Hour 23: Reanimation.

Zombie Weather Patterns

Scientists in Utah have recently released a study regarding weather conditions during an outbreak.

The weather is reported to take on characteristics of pre-tornado weather. The sky is green, though not as vivid as that of pre-tornado weather. There is an odd calm to the wind. One unique, and controversial, characteristic released, is one that deals with a sense that you might not have considered when thinking of an outbreak. That sense is smell. After pouring over documented cases of outbreaks and interviewing survivors who were willing to participate in the study, scientists also believe that in addition to a greenish sky, oddly calm wind conditions, that there is also a unique smell associated with an outbreak. The smell has only been related to that of food burning in the kitchen.

“It is an odd comparision, we understand,” stated one of the scientists, “yet, after our interviews we found this to be consistent across the board of those who survived an outbreak. The smell can be compared to something burning on the stove. It is not said to be overpowering, but it is quite noticable.” When asked about the possible cause of the smell, the scientists would not speculate. They did however feel that it centered around the brain being reactivated and the body moving after being dead.

Sleeping with Zombies

Sleep. It might sound crazy, impossible even, bit it is essential if you’re going to make it through a full-blown zombie outbreak. Without rest your muscles deteriorate, senses dull and each passing hour reduces your ability to function fully.

Believing that you can load up on caffeine or energy drinks and power on through your journey to safety will only lead to diaster.

Travelling in small groups allows for more securing sleeping arrangements, with individuals staying on watch whilst everyone sleeps. Of course, even in the relative safety of having someone on guard will not make getting to sleep any easier.

No matter how difficult it may be to get to sleep, stay away from sleeping pills. If zombies attack during the night, your fellow survivors might not be able to fully wake you in time.

Does 'Acting Dead' Fool Zombies?

Would “acting dead” prove to be a useful survival tactic during an undead outbreak? There are certainly arguments for it, such as the fact that the average studies have shown how generally clumsy zombies actually are. Did the writers of Shaun of the Dead get it right? Is it possible to pretend to be dead in order to safely navigate a group of zombies? There are other factors at play which should be considered.

What Does History Say?
All outbreaks which have been officially documented generally log the same items about the ghoulish fiends. Most testify that they are uncoordinated and incapable of moving fast. In recent high profile Hollywood films such as Dawn of the Dead, zombies are depicted as being very fast and very capable of inflicting exact and precise damage. This my friends, is untrue. While they are capable of causing damage, they lack basic coordination and motor skills to allow for a fast pursuit.

So why not mimic the same motion and movement in order to blend in? For one, and perhaps the single most important reason, is that there are absolutely no documented cases of an outbreak survivor “acting dead” and making it through any amount of a zombie force. None. There is no need to take unwarranted risks during any outbreak of any level.

This is not to say that you would be able to escape a small, scattered group. As has proven in survivor statements, there are cases where people have safely navigated through a small collection of the undead and moved to a safer location. Of course this would be done not by acting dead but swiftly moving through the zombie field before they would have a chance to react to our presence. This tactic however is not recommended unless you are completely aware of the surroundings and your destination location.

What Does Science Say?
Scientists rarely go on record with regards to zombies. Those that do speak, do so off the record, but can provide valuable resources from their research.

Scientists state that all cases of the undead show that their basic motor skills are reduced to just that: very basic. Coordination, quick movement, and advanced skills are lost after death and not brought back in the undead state. While they have not had enough samples to test, scientists now believe that there is some sensory perception (not to be confused with ESP, mind you) that the undead possess which allows them to detect the living from the dead. They have crudely related this to a dog’s sense of smell. In essence, enough of the senses remain in the undead that allow them to detect the living and attack. This is also supported by documentation. There are no recorded cases of zombie-on-zombie attacks, which scientists feel supports their theory.

Summary
From what we know, it would appear that both history and science, based on information collected to date, would not support “acting dead” as a wise survival tactic.

Researching to Create Zombies!

News report of the day; as if the world isn’t messed up enough already, scientists at the University of Minnesota have devised a way to get dead hearts to beat again, thus opening the way to re-animate the dead.

Who knows how long it will take for this medical ‘breakthrough’ to get out off control and mutate into something we can’t control, if the following two statements don’t send chills down your spin, then you need to watch more zombie movies:

‘Four days later, the hearts started to contract.’

‘Eight days later, the hearts started to pump.’

Being a Zombie Sucks

The Top Ten reasons (in no particular order) why being a zombie would suck:

Dandruff shampoo doesn’t control your flaky scalp anymore.

Dogs run off with your fingers and toes and bury them.

You don’t have to worry about catching a cold, you have to worry about catching ants.

All bad smells get blamed on you.

Just because you’re undead doesn’t mean that it doesn’t hurt when kids throw lawn darts at you.

BRAINS never shows up on the Dollar Value Menu at McDonald’s.

Formaldehyde is expensive, but mouthwash doesn’t quite cut it anymore.

Mad Cow Disease: Fresh brains are harder to come by these days.

Friends only invite you over when they’re throwing a Halloween party.

Haiti is a fun place to visit, but you wouldn’t want to die there.

Beware, for he is the living dead.

He comes from the grave, his body a home of worms and filth. No life in his eyes, no warmth on his skin, no beating in his breast. His soul is as empty and dark as the night sky. He laughs at the blade, spits at the arrow, for they do no harm to his flesh. From no to eternity he will walk the earth, smelling the sweet blood of the living, feasting upon the bones of the dammed. Beware, for he is the living dead.
- Obscure Hindu text, circa 1000BC

Top 3 Non-Projectile Weapons

In the fight against the undead, weapons born in the modern era will only have a small hand in the war. To triumph, we will have to take a page from our ancestors who have fought the undead centuries and generations before us. Not discounting the value of a good firearm, there are other weapons commonly available that can be used against the coming tides of death.

First, guns, bombs, and other projectile weaponry can be effective tools, yet they can only do so much since they have an innate disadvantage: quantity of ammunition. Once the ammo is gone it can no longer be used, except as a heavy club. In these situations one will come to rely on a more non-traditional weapon. Here are our top three selections (not in any particular order):

Blunt Weapons
In hand to hand combat blunt weapons may be the most idiot-proof design in regards to how to kill a zombie. There is no finesse, no skill, you simply beat the zombie’s rotten skull in until its brains run out of its ears. Bats and clubs are easily found in any area of the world, crowbars as are readily accessible and obtainable. Wooden instruments can even be manufactured by a person on the move. A staff should also be considered since it gives a person a longer reach and can be used as a probe when walking in high grass, a staff can also have a spear point mounted on one end or a metal club head for increased striking power. Blunt weapons are also available in a tight spot, such as the legs off of a table or other pieces of furniture, yard tools, and the like.

Edged Weapons
Knives and swords are often considered to be the first on the list of close combat weapons. If the club is brawn and balls then the sword is the sleek aristocrat, elegant and sexy. One problem with a sword is that they can take a great deal of training to become effective with them and in the hands of an amateur they are likely a greater danger to the user than the zombie. Remember: decapitation is the only way to go, though braining the ghoul will work as well. Some popular edged weapons include, but are not limited to a katana, axes, and machetes. Knives are a must, if for no other reason than the pure usefulness. A knife can be used in dozens of everyday applications, pry tool, finger nail cleaner, eating utensil, and more. If one has to choose, the numbers are humbling but remember that when dealing with zombies serrated edges are useless since they will only get caught in the skull. A short blade, under six inches, will likely be too short. Six inches and over is recommended if for no other reason than if you have to strike from under the chin of the zombie and go through the mouth into the brainpan, not recommended but in a pinch, it will do.

Fire
Fire is a tricky area as you need to be completely aware of your surroundings in order to most effectively use this tool. It has been documented that while flames will not instantly kill the undead, it offers with it a distinct level of distraction. While the zombie, who is clumsy, attempts to adjust to the new “temperature”, you can flee. If not, the brain of the zombie, or other body parts, will burn to the point where they cannot be used, thus eliminating the threat. Beware aware of your surroundings! You might be in a highly flammable area, or even in a building with functioning fire sprinklers. Fire is not always the best option, but one that works nonetheless.

With any weapon that you choose there are things that you must remember. First, the weapon does not make you (insert name of legendary fighter here) and you can be over whelmed and killed. Secondly, to be effective with the weapon you must know its limits as well as your own; in other words train with the weapon to where you know it like yourself. Third, do not get attached to it, the weapons may break, get lost in battle, or stuck in a zombie and need to be left behind. Carrying more than one weapon is not solely a recommendation, but requirement for survival.

The Silent Zombie Killer

The power and accuracy of a modern crossbow can send a bolt right through a zombie’s head at over a quarter of a mile.

However, this silent zombie killer is a sniper’s weapon, not a crowd-stopper. Use with caution against solitary zombies.

Try using a crossbow against a group of zombies, and you may well find yourself mauled by the mob before you have time to load a second bolt.

Sex and the Zombie

Moviemakers have a lot to answer for when it comes to the general acceptance of the existence of zombies. There is a general base knowledge of zombies and what they are and how they operate. Some movies take a slightly different view on some of the mechanisms, but not many have gone as far into wild fantasy as Neil Marshall wants to go.

The guy hasn’t done a lot of movies, but I’m told Dog Soldiers is great, and I’ve seen The Descent which in my opinion is one of the best horror movies ever made, so he is a very capable, if some what inexperienced director/writer.

To be honest, I’d love to see him do a zombie movie, and he does have plans to do one set on a North Sea Oil Rig. Sheer genius. I can’t think of a better location to do a tight, claustrophobic zombie horror. But the guy goes one step too far according to bloody disgusting he’s ‘devising a zombie sex scene that will be quite unique.’

I’m sorry, run that past me again; ‘devising a zombie sex scene that will be quite unique.’

Unique is one word for it, bloody ridiculous is another. Lets think about this for a minute. Zombies are re-animated dead people with no function other that a rabid desire to eat flesh/brains. Hampered by server deficiency in their motor skills with no knowledge of their past life.

But hey, have an outbreak on an oil rig, where I dare say there wouldn’t be too many women, and all of a sudden zombies have a sex drive!

Please Neil, naked zombies with rotting flesh might be ok, but not sex infused zombie orgies.

Zombie Jesus

Probably the most famous zombie of them all, adored by millions around the world, Jesus would be the most widely accepted zombie, if not for one thing; most people who believe in him, would not accept that he’s a zombie.

Sure, Jesus was bought back to life after being dead for three days by some supernatural power, but according to most accounts there was non of the been dead for a while stench, nor was there any evidence of rotting flesh.

Probably the biggest arguments against Jesus being a real zombie would be his re-animated self having all the attributes of a normal human being and not having a hankering for feasting on human brains.

None of this however has prevented Zombie Jesus followers from creating a very nice T-Shirt design.

Killing the Dead

In principle, killing a zombie is simple, but never easy. Zombies have none of the physiological functions that we humans need to survive. Destruction of or terminal damage too the circulatory, digestive or respiratory system would do nothing to a zombie, as these functions no longer support the brain.

Killing a human is easy; there are thousands of ways to do it. Killing Zack however is a little more limited. For a Zombie to be permanently killed, the brain must be destroyed.

Blunt force trauma or a bullet to the head, either way, make sure the brain is dead before you turn your back on Zack.

BBC Report Isolated Zombie Outbreak!

There has been a small outbreak of “zombism” in a small town near the border of Laos in North-Eastern Cambodia.

The culprit was discovered to be mosquitoes native to that region carrying a new strain of Malaria which thus far has a 100 percent mortality rate and kills victims in fewer than 2 days.

After death, this parasite is able to restart the heart of its victim for up to two hours after the initial demise of the person where the individual behaves in extremely violent ways from what is believed to be a combination of brain damage and a chemical released into blood during “resurrection.”

Cambodian officials say that the outbreak has been contained and the public has no need to worry.

General Ary Serey had this to say, "We have obtained samples of this new parasite and plan to learn how it starts the heart and other major organs of the deceased. We intend to use this to increase the quality of life for all."

US Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice opposed the plan saying that the Cambodian government holds a great biological weapon and should destroy it immediately. Cambodian officials have yet to comment.

A United Nations team will be dispatched to Cambodia to confirm the safety of biological research in Cambodia.

Zombie Lifespan

It is generally believed that zombies have an average lifespan of approximately one year. One thing that I have understood is that climate and weather exposure may greatly increase or decrease a zombie's lifespan. The rate of decay is significantly affected by temperature and humidity levels.

In tropical regions where the temperature and humidity are high, a zombie may only last a few days at best. The high humidity and temperatures accelerate decay at a rapid pace, reducing the zombie to a pile of bones in as little as 10 days in some cases. With a high human population in these areas, there is readily enough food/prospective-zombies in the area to keep the undead population high despite the rapid decay rates.

The rate of decay slows down and almost comes to a grinding halt in areas of extreme heat and cold. A zombie can live an existence of many years in the frozen tundra feeding off seals and wandering Inuit (Eskimos). Some zombies caught up in this region have been estimated to be well over 150 years old. Zombies have also been known to live for hundreds, possibly thousands of years in the hot dry areas of Northern Africa and the Middle East. The whole myth of mummies comes from travelers seeing the lone, wandering corpses in the middle of the dunes of the Egyptian Sahara.

Stench

Zombies have an acute sense of smell. In both combat situations and laboratory tests, they have been able to distinguish the smell of living prey above all others.

In many cases and given ideal wind conditions, zombies have been known to smell fresh corpses from a distance of more than a mile. Again, this does not mean that they have a greater sense of smell than humans.

Put simply; they have to rely on their sense of smell more than we do.

Zombies Attack Man in Russia

City of the Dead

Found this illustration of a chainsaw wielding girl, presumably concept art from a forth coming game, City of the Dead. Could make a cool game, especially if they use this style for the actual game graphics...

Top 10 Zombie Movies

1 Dawn of the Dead $59,020,957 2004
2 Death Becomes Her $58,422,650 1992
3 Pet Sematary $57,469,467 1989
4 Resident Evil: Apocalypse $51,201,453 2004
5 Resident Evil: Extinction $50,648,679 2007
6 28 Days Later $45,064,915 2003
7 Resident Evil $40,119,709 2002
8 28 Weeks Later $28,638,916 2007
9 Creepshow $21,028,755 1982
10 George A. Romero's Land of the Dead $20,700,082 2005

Scientists Create Zombie Cockroaches

"Zombie insects might sound like a B-movie plot device but to the emerald cockroach wasp (Ampulex compressa), they're a tried and tested way to provide food for their hungry larvae.

The wasp relies on cockroaches for its grisly life cycle but unlike many venomous predators, which paralyze their victims before eating them, the wasp's sting leaves the cockroach able to walk, but unable to initiate its own movement.

Researchers have discovered that the wasps sting the cockroaches once to subdue them, then administer another, more precise sting right into their victim's brain. The venom works to block a neurotransmitter called octopamine with a similar action to dopamine, which is involved in preparations to execute complex behaviors such as walking. Then the wasp grabs the cockroach's antenna and leads it back to the nest 'like a dog on a leash', says one researcher.

The team found that they could restore spontaneous walking behavior in stung cockroaches by giving them a compound that reactivates octopamine receptors in the insects' central nervous system.

Researchers were also able to create their own zombies by injecting unstung cockroaches with a compound that blocks the receptors producing a similar effect to that of the venom."

Bush Declares War on Zombies!

Zombie Tag

Imagine a number of people slowly staggering around, chasing a mass of screaming victims. Perhaps they're playing Zombies? A very silly game but potentially very good fun. The game is in fact a variation on a simple game of 'tag' - suitable for any large number of people, either indoors or outdoors.

What is Zombie Tag?
The idea is that one person starts off as a zombie, who has to 'infect' the other players, simply by touching them. Of course, zombies have a slow lumbering gait, so they should be easy to escape from; but they keep coming. The typical zombie should have their arms stretched out in front of them slightly, together with a glazed expression and a stiff-legged walk. Just to make sure that people know what's going on, they might even murmur 'Zombieee' in a deadpan manner. And once they touch someone, that person becomes a zombie too, adding to the confusion and mayhem (as you are turned into a zombie, you might even emit a blood-curdling scream, just for effect).

Variations
Even this simple version is good fun; but once you know the rules there are a number of interesting variations on this theme.

Firstly, 'spontaneous zombie'. There is no absolute need to 'announce' the fact that you are going to play Zombies. If you have a large enough crowd of friends, (all of whom know how to play) then at any moment someone could decide to start a game of Zombies. Imagine the hilarious confusion, when one person suddenly turning 'zombie' transforms the local pub, or your relaxing family picnic into a scene of chaos. (Picture, if you will, a group of complete strangers staggering around a shopping complex.)

Also, you might try to stop the zombie(s). You might allow one person to be a 'cleric' or 'anti-zombie' who is able to cure zombies, or you might think of other ways of stopping the zombie (water pistols or pillows perhaps?).

Of course the game doesn't really have a 'winner' in the conventional sense; although it does have a 'competitive' element. It's just fun to play!

Zombie

ZOM-BIE: (Zom'be) n. also ZOM-BIES Pl.
1. An animated corpse that feeds on living human flesh.
2. A voodoo spell that raises the dead.
3. A voodoo snake god.
4. One who moves or acts in a daze "like a zombie."
[a word of West African origin]